Choose not to be harmed...

I like to think.

I even like to think about how to think.

I know. Weird.

Yet the way my brain works, I am drawn to learning how to think better.

Because for me, and for you, when we think better, we tend to act better.

And better actions are what move the needle forward in business and relationships and life.

In my pursuit of thinking better, I have come across a wealth of old books called Stoic Philosophy.

My favorite so far is The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, who was a Roman emperor.

I resonate with what he recorded in The Meditations, not because I am, have, or plan to be an emperor!

I resonate with what he says because of how he thinks about the world and how he should operate within it.

My favorite line within his book is:

"Choose not to be harmed--and you won't feel harmed.

Don't feel harmed--and you haven't been."

Ponder that for a second!

I lived this out earlier the other day as I was driving my family to our every-other-week chiropractor appointment.

One of my kids was living out some very high emotions.

She wasn't listening to what we were asking her; she was intentionally annoying and yelling at her siblings; she was ready for an adjustment (and I was approaching the desire to help adjust her attitude!)

I could feel my blood pressure begin to rise as her outbursts grew in intensity.

Thankfully, my wife leaned over to me and gently said, "Just ignore her."

I immediately was reminded of this quote.

I chose not to be harmed by her actions.

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Do you see it?

I get to choose how I respond at every single moment of every single day.

I get to choose my response.

I do not get to choose what happens to me.

I do not get to choose how someone speaks to me. I do not get to choose when someone speaks to me.

I only get to choose my own response.

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Some of you get to work in people's homes who have experienced an emergency.

Not all of these people have chosen not to be harmed by the circumstance.

They have taken a hit emotionally from what has happened to them.

They have taken a hit emotionally from how delayed the insurance company has answered their questions. They have taken a hit emotionally from having to deal with something very new to them. They have taken a hit emotionally from water or fire intruding into their home, their safe space, their most private living quarters.

And now they have been forced to let strangers into that space to clean it up and put it back together.

They have chosen to be harmed.

They have not chosen to not be harmed.

They have chosen to feel the harm, which means they have been harmed.

We must--I repeat--we must realize that their feeling harmed has nothing to do with us.

Instead, you get to help them walk through a bit of a healing process as we restore their home and help them navigate this situation.

So...keep your guard up to not feel harmed when someone lashes out because they feel harmed.

It's that old phrase, Hurt people hurt people.

Many people don't know how to navigate this new emotion.

They don't know that they can choose to not feel harmed by what has happened to them.

So, again, walk gently with others.

Let's choose not to feel harmed, because then we won't be harmed!

This is one way you can begin to Think Better.

If you want to learn more about creating new habits, read this post.